Um, we broke up?

Today, I’m dealing with two break ups.

Charles Trippy announced via a vlog titled We need to talk that he is “separating” from his wife, Alli. The couple married in November 2011. Charles’ YouTube channel, CTFxC, holds the world record for the most number of consecutive daily vlogs. In the 10-minute video, Charles explains that they have been arguing more than usual over the last couple of months and that it’s “not fair” for either of them to go on this way. Although he didn’t explicitly use the word “divorce”, Charles’ close friend Shay Butler inadvertently confirmed it. Charles also explained that they would continue to be friends and that he intends to keep going with the daily vlogs. Alli has made it very clear via Twitter that the split was in no way due to Charles’ illness (he has brain cancer and is currently undergoing chemotherapy).

You’d think that at a time like this, the CTFxC army (their fans) would offer support and love. However, there are insensitive, aggressive and just plain annoying people out there who choose to take sides. The whole Team Alli vs Team Charles” thing makes me so sad. They don’t need this right now. For some reason, a small group of “fans” feel the need to place blame – some even accused Alli of infidelity. This is quite possibly the dumbest way to react to the news. I’m shocked and upset, but I love both Charles and Alli and have no intention to unsubscribe. Instead, I offer them my love and support during this tough time. I guess I kinda know what they’re going through…maybe to a lesser extent.

You know how I said I was dealing with two break ups? The second one is much harder for me to write about because it’s my own.

Two weeks ago, the boyfriend and I broke up.

Before I go on, I just have to say that there are zero hard feelings towards him.

Basically, over the past couple of months, things began to unravel. We thought we were happy and we thought we were okay. At the end of it all, we grew up and grew apart. He wasn’t happy and knew that it wasn’t fair on the both of us to keep pretending. We are both going through different seasons in our lives. He’s job hunting and I’m stressed about uni. It just wasn’t working. What hurt the most was the fact that he didn’t feel the same way any more.

I knew there was nothing I could do about it. You can’t make someone love you. Sometimes, loving someone means wanting them to be happy, even if you’re not part of that happiness.

It’s been tough, but I’ve been oddly at peace with it all. I know it was the right thing to do, hence no hard feelings towards him. We both still care about each other deeply. We always had the agreement that, should we break up, we would still remain friends. I care about him too much to completely cut him out of my life. That’s why I refuse to call him my “ex”. He’s not in my past.

I know that God’s using this to teach me and grow me. I’m so excited to see what He’s got in store in this new season of my life. I’ve been building and cultivating friendships, and using this time to do “me” things (like dyeing my hair purple). Keeping positive and living my life as usual has helped so much. It just didn’t make sense for me to cry in my room for 2 weeks and wallow in self-pity. I’d much rather be out there living, which is what I did. Having said that, I do have my bad moments/days, but I keep reminding myself that it’s okay to not be okay.

What I’m struggling with now is how to tell people. We have so many mutual friends, many who have known us for years. Dealing with other people’s expectations has been so difficult. The day it happened, I messaged all my close friends letting them know what happened, but also telling them not to make it a big deal. There are still so many people who don’t know. I almost want to make a video like Charles did and be like “Alright guys, we broke up. It is what it is. We just want your support and love. We’re still good friends so please don’t make a big deal out of it.” I guess I’ll take it one step at a time.

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank my amazing friends and family who have been my pillars in the past few weeks. You guys are part of the reason I’m taking this so well. Every where I go, I’m surrounded by so much love and concern. Whether it’s been a hug, taking time to have lunch with me and making sure I’m not alone or even just a simple message, you have all helped heaps. I have so much love for all of you.

To my Heavenly Father, I thank you for the 2 years I had with him. Thank you for the things you taught us through what we experienced together. Thank you for the love that we shared because I know that we cannot love without you who first loved us. I ask that you guide us both as we enter this new season and that you give us both the peace and joy that can only be found in you. Amen.


One thought on “Um, we broke up?

  1. Hi Esther!
    It is amazing that you’re still relying and trusting in God through the midst of it all.
    I am glad to see that you’re very positive, mature and strong about it.
    It is never easy to part from a person (been there done that twice..-.-…lol)
    Continue to rely on God and just focus on him. I believe that he is working in both you and the boy to glorify him in even greater ways.
    I also know that God definitely have an even better person planned for you in future =D

    Keeping you in prayer,

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