I want to pause the gratitude for a second and write about something else. I am currently in a battle with myself. It’s a bit of a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde situation.
I don’t want to go off the rails and harbour hatred or malice towards anyone. I don’t want to be a bitch. I don’t want bitterness in my heart, I want to handle life’s situations with poise, no matter how tough it might be. I want to take the high road. I want to move on and mean it when I say that I’ve forgiven someone. Even though people tell me I have the right to be angry, I don’t want to be angry. Just because I have the right to do something, doesn’t mean I should do it…right?
But at the same time, I want to go off the rails. There’s something in me that’s saying “screw it”. I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to be good, trying to act with gentleness and poise. I deserve a moment of craziness. I want to let all the bitterness out. There are many things I would like to say to certain people. And let’s face it – after everything I have been through this year, I have the right to be angry. I’ve been left to pick up the pieces and deal with so much poop. I deserve some form of happiness, don’t I?
I have no idea what to do. Do I have to pick one or can I be a bit of both?