2. It’s ok to refer to your soulmate as your “lobster”.
3. THEY WERE ON A BREAK.
5. It’s perfectly normal to teach your son about Hanukkah dressed up as an armadillo.
7. Don’t say you won’t eat Thanksgiving dinner until you’ve correctly identified all 50 states of the US. You might starve.
8. If you’re ever nervous about public speaking, it’s ok to blurt out a foreign accent.
9. It’s ok to use your son as an excuse not to help your friend pack.
10. Never make a pros and cons list about someone you’re interested in.
11. If you do make said list, make sure that person never finds it.
13. When driving to the airport to stop the love of your life from getting on a plane, make sure you’re going to the right airport.
15. There’s nothing wrong with pronouncing everything correctly.
16. You don’t have to be 8 to love dinosaurs.
17. Karate is a viable option if you’re not getting much action in the bedroom.
19. When one of your best friends starts dating your ex-girlfriend, you don’t have to be ok with it. You also don’t have to make fajitas.
20. If you do make fajitas (and somehow get drunk in the process), make sure you wear mittens.